he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
