I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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