i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
