fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
