i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
