she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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