Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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