How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
