you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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