This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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