I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
