It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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