my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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