First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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