Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
