Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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