I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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