I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
