Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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