Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
