is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
