she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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