I want to make a zoo with you.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Only a mothe r could love this liver
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
