So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
