So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
