I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
