we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
