He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
