I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
