Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she smelled like a LAN party
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
