He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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