i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize