Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
