If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
