Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
