enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
