sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
