Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
