Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
