im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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