I wish my penis had an off switch
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
