i need an iv and a liver transplant
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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