Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
