Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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