how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
