And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
