god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
