We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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