oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
