honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
