Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
