I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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