just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
how drunk are you?
Several
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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