don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
