Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
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Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
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After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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