Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
