did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
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Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
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He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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