The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
