Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
