just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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