Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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