i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I puked a lego.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
